The Silent Treatment
Sydney Morning Herald
Saturday September 6, 2008
Noisy mobiles, nosy co-workers - it's all too much for Conrad Walters.
I miss the original Get Smart. The humour, the Cold War satire, the chic Barbara Feldon, the shoe-phone that doubled as a gun if you dialled 117. What I miss most, though, is the Cone of Silence.The brilliant invention was purportedly the creation of a mysterious "Dr Cone" and it might have achieved its goal had the bean counters at Control purchased the device through proper government channels rather than a discount retailer.The see-through cone never quite functioned the way it was intended. But if the concept of a sound-proof environment held great appeal when I was a child, the invention seems indispensable in a modern, open-plan workplace.Press a switch and a sonically cocooned enclosure seals you away from every loud colleague, every germ-laden sneeze and - assuming you have your own oxygen supply - every odorous emission. It's glorious stuff.The noise of a modern workplace is relentless. Computers should have made things quieter but what they have done is bury us under a wall of sound: speakers blaring the latest YouTube phenomenon, keyboards clicking and clacking, tacky musical chords announcing Windows has successfully launched. And that's when they operate the way they're supposed to.Then there are the phones: landlines, mobiles, even Skype. And I've lost track of the number of times our building has tested its emergency systems in a routine somehow synchronised with important phone calls.Yet co-workers are the most distracting element in the open-plan office as they swap overheard jokes or bicker over what happened to the pink highlighter pen. Call me an insensitive misanthrope but I'd rather not hear a colleague arrange an appointment for a plumber, book a motor vehicle inspection or even schedule a consultation for outbreaks of unseen warts.I'm perfectly aware of the fact that Agent 86 and his beloved Agent 99 left the airwaves in 1970 but I haven't entirely abandoned the Cone of Silence. Nor has the rest of the world.A Swedish company called Svalson has made a business out of selling retractable screens that can be erected around individual work stations. Its Silancio model even features in a YouTube video - is there no escape? - in which a worker annoys everyone around him. In the end, one weary victim presses a button and watches a barrier slide up between him and the pest, much like a bank teller might when confronted by a prospective robber. Noise robs us of our ability to concentrate and, in turn, of our ability to enjoy the challenges we take on at work. And when it's too loud, it even robs us of the opportunity to secretly watch old episodes of Get Smart on YouTube.Readers are invited to send 550-word pieces on office life to theoffice@smh.com.au. Include your full name and address and daytime contact number.
© 2008 Sydney Morning Herald
